July 31, 2008

Yesterday I did some weeding in my garden, now I am paying for it my neck is killing me. I have taken everything I could to get rid of it, but it isn't working. It ends up hurting so bad it gives me a very nasty headache. I knew when I was pulling weeds it would happen. But the weeds needed to be pulled.

My garden is doing good I picked a zucchini and cucumber yesterday I found them among the weeds what a nice surprise.

I am going to be making some aprons and pin cushions today. I will take some pictures of them. I am doing a craft show in October so I have to get my butt busy. I finally bought a new scale so I can make some soap again.

My bird Gizmo (mealy Amazon parrot) is being a brat today he is screaming today, he is not helping my headache any at all. He is being a very bad bird!!!!

I was watching weather report and the temperature this weekend is suppose to be in the 100's. That means I will not be able to go outside at all. I hate the heat. I will be wishing for autumn. The cool crisp air the changing of the leafs.

I need to take some picture's of the fat quarter swaps I received and post them.

Tasha

Tasha
Originally uploaded by Goddesswillow

Trying to get a picture of Tasha holding still is hard to do. But in this one she posed for me.

July 30

I have to go to an award ceremony tomorrow. It's for my husbands unit, I wasn't going to go but I received an email from my frg leader and my name was top of the list to receive a award. So that means I have to go. My husband isn't going to receive any awards we don't think because he had to be sent home early.

I am missing my Liza, Syoma and Alyona. They had a big scare while they were in Russia. The government(UAE) shut down all the private schools that were in villa's in Sharjah UAE. No school means no money for them. But Syoma's mom got it straightened out and the government is selling her a school building. Which means the kids will not be able to stay in Russia for the summer. They are going back early to move the school. Liza told me it's a good thing the building is much bigger so she will open the nursery school now. She said more money means more visits.

Jeff has been extra nice to me since they have left. He see's how sad I get when they leave and tries to make up for it. I miss them so much. I wish that they were here with me forever. But even though I miss them so much and only get to see them once a year. I want them to do what makes them happy.

I am going to pull weeds in the garden today they are so tall. It has been too hot for me to work in the garden. I might be tempted to pick some green tomatoes to make fried green tomatoes.

Longing for Autumn

The temperature here in Kansas is in the 90's which I do not like nor does my body. I get very sick from the heat, with the temperatures so high I can't be out side for more than a few minutes. I really could skip summer all together. I can tolerate summer in high elevations that have cooler summer temperatures. My favorite seasons are autumn and winter. So today I am wishing for the quick return to autumn.

Shake Hands With The Devil

I will be watching this one tonight. Liza got it for me, She knew it has Roy Dupuis starring in it. I think everyone should watch it. It's hard to find to rent and most likely will have to buy it but I think its an important film to watch. Just like Hotel Rwanda it the true story of the genocide that happened in Rwanda. I hope that it will make people think and not forget about what happened there. I hope it encourages people to look into what is happening in Darfur, then maybe we can help stop the genocide that is happening in Darfur.

That Beautiful Somewhere Trailer

I loved this movie. It stars one of my favorite Canadian actors Roy Dupuis.

Past Demons and Ghosts

This last week I realized that I still live with past demons and ghosts. I was going to go shopping for a new sewing machine and other things. My husband was home and he preferred not to go with me. I faced an old ghost of my past. I felt so nervous about me out shopping and my husband at home, I felt I would be get in trouble if I was gone too long. When I get to the store I am feeling very uneasy like I must hurry or I will get it when I get home. This all comes from my first husband. I would be in trouble if he thought it took too long for me to shop for food. I hardly ever shopped except for food. I never went to a store just to browse around. I would pay dearly if I did. I would be so nervous and sick to my stomach if the line at the check out was too long. I knew I would face his anger and abuse. It's been almost 20 years since we were divorced and still I face these ghosts. I told my current husband about it. I don't speak much about the mental and physical abuse I suffered from my ex husband. I try to just to forget about it bury it in my mind.

From time to time the evidence of the abuse shows it ugly head. About 7 years ago I was in an EMT class one of the instructor's was a man that had very similar features as my ex husband. He reminded me so much of my ex that I became nervous around him. At one point he had raised his hand and I flinched as if he was going to hit me. I was so embarrassed and humiliated because of my reaction to a simple movement.

I was ashamed that my first husband would punch and get me one the ground then kick me in the head and torso, he had pulled a gun on me and shot at my feet and told me to dance.

I use to have nightmares about my ex beating me and killing me, I had them often for years after I left him. But with time they have faded and I have them rarely now.

Frozen

Rocking Chair

I've been wanting a rocking chair for a while. I received this one through freecycle. It's was made in the late 1800's.

Winter - Tori Amos

I love Tori Amos. Great video!!!

Liza & Alyona

Liza & Alyona
Originally uploaded by Goddesswillow

My daughter and grandaughter.

Liza

Liza
Originally uploaded by Goddesswillow

My beautiful daughter Liza on her 23rd birthday.

Food

Food
Originally uploaded by Goddesswillow

Liza birthday celebration.

Birthday celebration

Birthday celebration
Originally uploaded by Goddesswillow

This picture was taken last april. It was my daughter Liza birthday. I was happy she was home for her birthday this year.

Stand My Ground

Memories

So much to say

So much to say, but don't know where to start. I guess I will start with I miss Liza, Syoma, and Alyona. Last monday I took them to the airport they flew out to Russia, They will be there for the rest of the summer. They house is too quiet now. I miss the the hugs and kisses from Alyona, Talking with Liza and Syoma. I have been so sad with out them here. I miss hearing Syoma playing Fur Elise on the guitar, Liza telling me mom come look at this;) Alyona calling out gramma demanding my attention constantly:) I miss them all so very much. I am very happy for them to be in Russia this summer, Syoma hasn't seen some of his family since Alyona was a newborn. I know he has missed them. In the fall they will be in UAE working at the school, Syoma does the business things and Liza teaches english. So I won't be able to see them till the end of the school year.

I went out to mow the back yard this morning, So I ventured out to pick up the hose and dog toys ect. I open the gate and hear the buzzing of bee's a lot of them, I couldn't see them I stood and listen trying to figure out where they are. I look down and there all over the clover by my feet. I was happy to see so many. I haven't seen any this year and getting very worried. Now they can make go on over to my garden and pollinate ever thing:)

This year I put in a new garden. Syoma did most of the hard work of removing sod, and digging it, Liza and Jeff help one day on it, the next day they're backs were hurting too much to help, but it was Syoma and I that worked on it both days. It's about 8'x 18' I had to put a small garden fence up so the dogs won't get into it. I planted 8 tomatoes 6 bell peppers, 4 squash, 2 cucumbers and about 5 green beans. I have my herbs on the garden on the side of the house with has mint, cilantro, basil, radishes, lavender , strawberry's, and carrots.
With the price of food going up I thought I had better plant a bigger garden this year. I would like to build a cold frame and grow some veggies that will grow last into fall and winter depending on how cold it is. I never done a cold frame before.

I need to do a lot more canning this year. I am down to my last jar of sweet pickles, and raspberry jam. I ran out of peach, and Strawberry in winter so I will need to can more this year. I will can more tomatoes this year.

I want to do so many things but I find that my body doesn't want to work. I suffered for a couple of days after 4th of July just because I looked at the fire works, my neck is getting worse. The pain and the headaches it cause's is at time unbearable. My foot has been numb for a couple of weeks. My knee's don't want to work I can't squat and get back up on my own, I have to pull myself up. My hands drop things and won't grip. It's frustrating.

I am working on some apron's today so they will be mailed out tommorrow. I total forgot about them with everything going on with the hail damage, and going to help out on the tornato hit area. The pain issues ect, It just slipped my mind. I thought I had dropped out of them but didn't so I am getting them done this weekend. I should of paid closer attention to my junk mail folder. I had found one in there then realized I hadn't dropped them at all.

Affair on 8th avenue

This is one of my favorite Gordon Lightfoot songs. The man that did the cover of this song did a great job. I wasn't sure about it till I heard it. He has a great voice.

Hell has frozen over

A couple days ago I had my hair cut, I had 10 inches or more cut off and have light bangs also. I had my hair past my butt. now it's about to my waist. It feels so weird to me. I was so used to it being that long now it seem's really short to me.